Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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