Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
