I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
