You're my little dorito
I am spending my child support on dildos
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
