Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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