If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
