I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
