he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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