Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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