i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
