we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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