I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I can text with my tongue
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
