I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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