I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
