I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
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Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
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but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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