I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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