At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
