Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
