just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
