did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it was like eating out sand paper
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize