You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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