It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
