I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
