just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
