I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
