next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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