Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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