You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
