did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
