Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
