sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
