You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
