I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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