we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
