When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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