I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
