So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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