I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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