Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
