i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i now understand why vodka
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
