if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
