Ambien. No doubt about it.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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