I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
