i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
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