I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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