yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
