Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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