There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
