So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i've created a new STD.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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