So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
