tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
