I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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