I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
