so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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