yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?