bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
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My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body