Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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