I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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