I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I forget how to act sober
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
