i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
