my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
