Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
